


Oh Honey, I Know You Have Questions

by InTheShadows



Series: Tony Stark Bingo (Round 3) 2020 Fills [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (the cousin to gay panic), Abuse of italics, Banter, Demisexual Tony Stark, Don't copy to another site, Gen, Incubus Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, Minor Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Oblivious Tony Stark, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, sexual attraction panic, unspecified universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:07:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22353847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InTheShadows/pseuds/InTheShadows
Summary: At first Tony doesn't realize what he is feeling. How could he? It's not as if he's ever dealt with this before. How was he supposed to know sexual attraction was actually athingand not something people made up to normalize their libidos and desire to hook up? But when he does, he follows his true and trusted course of action. He panics and calls Rhodey. Rhodey will be able to explain it. (After all, he's never once told Tony it exists either. Clearly he has to correct that mistake.)
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark
Series: Tony Stark Bingo (Round 3) 2020 Fills [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2066145
Comments: 12
Kudos: 145
Collections: Tony Stark Bingo 2020





	Oh Honey, I Know You Have Questions

**Author's Note:**

> To anyone who is familiar with my work, yes more ace!incubus!Tony. Only he's demi this time. 
> 
> Title: On Honey, I Know You Have Questions  
> Collaborator Name: InTheShadows  
> Card Number: 3102  
> Link: [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22353847)  
> Square Filled: T4/wake up!  
> Ship/Main Pairing: Rhodey & Tony  
> Rating: T  
> Major Tags: incubus Tony, demisexual Tony, Rhodey is a good bro, minor Tony/Steve  
> Summary: Tony calls Rhodey, panicked, after he realizes that he is sexually attracted to Steve.  
> Word Count: 1397

The problem is that while Tony is smart - is a genius in fact - he can also be a little, well, dumb at times too. Give him a machine or a math problem and he’s golden. Give him a person and not so much. He’s heard the phrase ‘dumbest genius I know’ more than once. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise to him that he doesn’t realize what he’s feeling right away. It’s not as if he’s ever really experienced it before now has he?

But when he finally does - he panics. He panics and he lunges for his phone. “Rhodey!” he says, probably a little too loudly when he answers, “ _ Rhodey _ !”

“What’s the matter Tones?” His voice is rough with sleep. 

“Why did you never tell me that sexual attraction was real?” He admittedly flails a little at that, but that’s okay because there’s no one around to see him to judge. 

“ _ Tony _ ,” Rhodey sighs, “ _ what _ ?” 

“Sexual attraction. Wanting to have sex with someone - like actually wanting it and not just thinking that they’re asthetically pleasing. It’s  _ real _ . Why did you never tell me it was real? I thought everyone was just making it up.” Another wave of panic washes over him. 

“It’s three in the morning and you called to ask me  _ this _ ?” Rhodey sounds less than impressed. 

Three in the - oh. It’s only then that he realizes how late it is. Still that does nothing to calm him down. “ _ Yes _ .” 

A rustling of the sheets. “Ok. First of all, you need to take a couple of deep breaths. Breathe with me. In... and out. In... and out. In... and out.” 

Tony copies him, feeling the air start to flood his lungs. It helps some. Enough that he isn’t seconds away from hyperventilating anyways. That’s always a plus.

“Better?” Rhodey’s voice is steady and calm. 

Tony nods before remembering that Rhodey can’t see it. “Yeah.”

“Good. Now I assume this has something to do with Steve?” 

Oh Lovelace. “Steve? What? Who said - there isn’t - no,” he sputters, “Why would you think that?” 

Rhodey’s eye roll is clear even through the phone. “Because I’ve been waiting for months now to hear that the two of you are officially dating.” 

“What? That’s not - we’re not,” he begins to sputter again. 

“Tones,” Rhodey says gently. 

Tony takes another deep breath. “We’re not like that,” he protests. 

“Sure you aren’t.” He doesn't sound like he believes Tony in the least. 

Well that’s just rude. “We’re  _ not _ .” It’s true. No matter how much he may wish otherwise, especially now, they are nothing but friends. 

Rhodey sighs again. “You know I love you right? I’d never steer you wrong. So I say this with so much love - you idiot he’s absolutely crazy about you. Whipped. Gone. He has hearts in his eyes every time he looks at you.” 

What? “ _ What _ ?” he repeats, “Then why has he never said anything?” 

Rhodey groans. “He  _ has _ . You remember the time he asked you to the movies? And the park? And the meals you had together? And that time you went rollerblading? And coffee? And - wow I had forgotten how many times he tried to ask you out before now. That’s sad.” 

Tony might slightly blue screen of death for a little. Just for a couple of seconds really. Those were - those were supposed to be - oh. Oops. “They were  _ what _ ? Steve  _ what _ ? Why didn’t you mention  _ that _ before?”

“Because if he was going to date your oblivious ass then he better get used to it,” Rhodey answers promptly, “No better way to learn then by hands on experience.” 

“I hate you,” Tony groans, “Where is the love platypus?” 

“It’s three in the morning. It’s still asleep.” 

Once again - oops. That solves one of his problems though - probably. Rhodey wouldn’t lie to him about something like that. Still that leaves - “Fine. But that doesn’t answer my question. Why did you never tell me?” 

“Because I didn’t think I needed to?” 

Tony huffs. “Well you should have.” He crosses his arms because he can, “It would have been nice to know this sooner.” 

“Tones - you’re an incubus. Are you telling me you’ve never felt it before?” He still sounds baffled by this. 

“ _ No _ .” It comes out short and defensive to his own ears. Too aggressive, but he can’t help it. If Rhodey doesn’t believe him - 

“Hey, hey,” he soothes, “It’s okay, I believe you. I just never knew that you were ace before.” 

“Well I am.” That’s slightly less defensive, but only a little. There’s a reason he never mentioned it before. Like Rhodey said, he’s an incubus. What sort of incubus isn’t attracted to people like that? A broken one that’s who. He’s never wanted to admit it to anyone. He has enough issues as is without adding to the pile. 

“Okay then. You know I’m not going to judge you for that.” His sheets rustle again. “So this is your first time dealing with this?” 

“Yes,” he groans, “It’s terrible. I don’t know how people do it all the time. I was fine before, but then I started wondering what it would be like to kiss him. And his cock. I started wondering what his cock was like. If it would feel good inside me. If I could suck it. What he would look like all sweaty and desperate and hard. What -” 

“No,” Rhodey cuts him off, “There’s helping you and there’s tmi. I don’t want to know your fantasies about Steve. He isn’t my type.” 

“But Rhodey,” Tony whines, “you don’t understand! I suddenly want to lick his chest and I don’t know why. How is that a thing?” 

“Sex is weird, you know that.” 

“Yeah, but,” he starts flailing again, “why should it matter? We’ve been friends for years now and I’ve never thought about this before. Sure I knew he was attractive in the aesthetic sense, you’d have to be blind not to see that. But now I keep wondering about his fingers. What would they feel like inside of me? What would mine feel like inside of  _ him _ ? How hot would -” 

“Stop,” Rhodey’s tone is firm, “tmi again.” 

“But it’s so weird,” Tony continues to whine, “Why should I care about his thighs? Or licking his neck? That’s also a thing I want to lick now. It’s always kind of gross when people do that, but now I want to and - Rhodey!” he wails, “What is going on?” 

“Sex Tones. Sex is what is going on. Sex in and of itself is ridiculous, did you expect sexual attraction to be any different? There’s all kinds of weird urges and stuff involved. Don’t try to make it into something logical. It isn’t.” 

“It’s dumb,” he complains. 

There is a smile in Rhodey’s voice as he agrees. “Yeah it is. Welcome to what the rest of us deal with.” 

“I  _ hate _ you.” What kind of comfort is that?

“Of course you do.” His smile is still in his voice. 

“ _ Hate _ .” He can admit that he’s calm now though. Still freaking out a little because - wow. Some of those fantasies are wild. Like holding Steve down while he fucks him so he comes on his cock or not at all. That’s - that’s not really feasible in real life. And he still has far too many questions about Steve’s cock that Rhodey obviously can’t answer. But he isn’t a wrong breath away from a panic attack anymore so that’s good. 

“Then I guess I don’t have to worry about anymore late night phone calls then.” He sounds far too cheery about that. 

“Hmm - no.” Rhodey isn’t that lucky. 

“That’s what I thought.” 

“What now?” Tony asks after a pause.

“ _ Now _ you go the hell to sleep and let me do the same,” he says, “Then in the morning you talk to Steve and finally put him out of his misery. Take him out, explain all of this and then ask  _ him _ your questions about his dick. I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to answer them for you.” 

Yeah. Yeah, okay, he can do that. That’s totally something he can manage. He can’t wait to ask either. It’s been driving him nuts for weeks now. “Thanks honeybear. Love you.” 

“ _ Goodnight _ Tones.” He hangs up. 

Tony collapses onto his bed. Better get some sleep like Rhodey said. Tomorrow is going to be a good day. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to imagine the look on Steve's face when Tony asks him these questions the next day quite matter-of-factly, possibly even in annoyance, over their meal. In public.


End file.
